How broken promises, betrayal, and silence are tearing us apart — and how we can heal.
Introduction
We invest in individuals. We strategize. We send funds. And occasionally… we get burned.
Trust is one of the deepest, yet most unspoken wounds in the African diaspora experience. It’s not just about money or projects — it’s about the invisible threads that hold us together as a people. And when those threads snap, what’s left is silence, shame, and separation.
This is not a shame blog. This is a call to remain in the pain, call it what it is with truth, and examine how we might rebuild — together.
The Layers of Broken Trust in African Diaspora
Broken Family Promises and Betrayals
- Remitted money to construct homes, establish businesses, or pay tuition that “disappears”
- Family members waiting indefinitely without responsibility
- Emotional manipulation that leads to feeling betrayal when one says “no”
Community Mistrust Abroad
- Tribalism, classism, and cliques that reflect the divisions here back home
- Partnerships that start off well but fall apart due to ego, gossip, or lack of follow-through
- The “crab in the barrel” mindset that discourages unity
Diaspora Leaders, Promises & Unfinished Projects
- Cooperatives, NGOs, and diaspora projects launched with vision but no structure
- Funds raised with no accountability or delivery
- Overpromising and underdelivering, typically unintentionally, loses credibility for all
“When we over-promise and under-deliver, we leave more than disappointment. We leave a fracture.”
Government & Institutional Disappointment
- Diaspora bonds that failed or gave zero returns
- Bureaucracy and corruption that repel instead of embracing diaspora engagement
- Diaspora offices that are there in name, but not in substance
When We Break Our Promises to Ourselves
- The firm you said you’d start — but fear stopped you from doing so
- The co-op you wanted to launch — but burnout stood in the way
- The budget you promised to adhere to — but family demands devoured
- The promise of going home someday — now undermined by disillusionment
Every time we abandon our own commitments, something inside us shifts. We question ourselves. We lose faith. We doubt our voice. We feel ashamed. And when we don’t trust ourselves — we begin to doubt everyone else, as well.
Why This Is Important to the General Public
- We avoid leading because “we’ve failed before”
- We stop investing because “what’s the point?”
- We withdraw from society since “they’ll only let me down again”
But what if it begins by keeping our word to ourselves?
Begin small: Complete the plan. Pick up the phone. Set aside the sum. Attend once more.
For the more we show up for ourselves, the more we show up for others. And that’s how collective trust gets reborn — one kept promise at a time.
Knowing the Root Causes
- Historical trauma due to slavery, colonization, and migration
- Cultural norms that avoid confrontation or discourage accountability
- Lack of open-provision or cooperative organization systems
- Financial pressure that leads individuals to make short-term, even desperate choices
- Unrealistic expectations and emotional assumptions regarding “those abroad”
Can We Rebuild Trust? Yes — But It Takes Work.
1. Keep Your Word, or Don’t Make the Promise
- Do not start a project unless you plan to finish it
- If you are operating a cooperative, communicate frequently and candidly
- Trust grows when results match intentions
2. Start With Transparency
- Use agreements, receipts, and written plans — even with family
- Replace assumption with clarity
3. Build in Public
- Share progress, failures, lessons learned
- Empower others through transparency, not just outcomes
4. Use Safe Structures
- Work with vetted organizations, legal frameworks, or cooperatives
- Do not trust verbally when it comes to money
5. Forgive — But With Boundaries
- Forgiveness brings healing
- Boundaries maintain your peace
Final Reflection
Perhaps trust was not shattered all at once. Perhaps it won’t be restored all at once either.
But it can begin. With honesty. With systems. With people who mean what they say and say what they mean.
If we want to build a new Africa, a new diaspora culture, and a new legacy, we must start by becoming people who keep our promises.
